I just went downstairs to start another load of laundry, including the pile of bath towels I nabbed from a dumpster three doors down. And as I picked up the first towel to toss it in the washer, an overpowering cloud of odor enveloped me–the tell-tale reek of Girl Trash.

Until WordPress offers a scratch-and-sniff plug-in, I can only offer my feeble, inadequate verbal description of what Girl Trash smells like, and kindly ask that you trust me on this: it’s bad. It’s really fucking bad.

Girl Trash stink is a thick, cloying miasma of synthetic fruits and florals. The closest actual things I can think of that most resemble the smell of Girl Trash are urinal cakes, and that strawberry-scented air “freshener” that still befouls some public restrooms. Mix those two together, and you’ve got the base note of Girl Trash.

Given the rank odor teenaged boys exude, and men’s alleged domestic incompetence (as reflected in ads for just about every cleaning product ever), you might think that Boy Trash smells worse. But surprisingly enough, it doesn’t. Usually, it’s not bad at all. Sure, I’ve taken home a few pieces of men’s clothing that were unwashed and overripe, and a few others that reeked of Axe body spray–but they didn’t knock me flat. And, once washed, the stink was gone and the clothing smelled fresh and clean.

The sickly-sweet synthetic reek of Girl Trash, however, is enough to make my eyes water, my nose run, and my throat sore. Even worse, it’s difficult to wash out. Last year, I picked up a set of sheets that, after three washings in hot water, with baking soda added, and a long soak time in the second and third attempts, still stank. I tried hanging them out to air, which seemed to work–but once folded and put on a shelf the Girl Trash stink in them grew concentrated again. And worse again, the scent of Girl Trash transferred itself to other sheets and towels in the linen closet.

Getting rid of that smell started to feel like I imagine getting rid of bedbugs must be like. I threw away the sheets as hopelessly ruined.

What’s baffling to me is that the exact same vile aroma occurs across so many separate households. The only common denominator is that it is always womens’ trash that smells like that, and the more women in the household the more concentrated that specific smell becomes.